just before night falls;21.33- train from New Cross to London Waterloo East, I look outside the window- know very well the movement of the trains- and the sight of the city, walking from Waterloo East to Waterloo Central, my eye perceives Charing Cross station, a glimpse of the Embankment Bridge- feel a knot in my throat- so many times, so many moments—in this city, the city which is full with associations and I am leaving behind-- but keep on walking- the ticket inspector smiles at me and I smile back—feel beautiful yet sad..’you’re still here’
and the movement of people in London Waterloo, stopping for a moment to look at the screens, then rushing to their trains- platform 16 tonight, 21.50 train to Reading via Richmond- the usual voice announces the stations with the tone that I know so well and I’ve imitated so many times..
and then the train goes, leaves London behind, past the stations I’ve known, past the places I’ve been, past those five years, the same old journey—
the train will arrive at 22.27, still light in the horizon. go up the bridge, see the tip of the hill and the clock of Founder’s..for the first time in five years—and really when did Café Uno become Chez Gerrard? Where have I been living? and why do I notice things, why does it matter now that I am leaving? that’s why I don’t like ‘goodbyes’; because they make you feel that the day is special, that you have the pay attention to all the details that you’ve previously ignored and you would go on ignoring if you didn’t leave, separate etc.
that’s why I don’t like goodbyes..because they demand from your memory to freeze and keep a set picture- not the movement.. but memory is alive and moves and does not want to freeze—and I will be back and don’t want melodramatic goodbyes..it’s just that the page turns.
it’s just see you later-not goodbye.. I am taking with me all that I can’t leave behind but I’ll be back soon—for the time being, though, we are moving south!
and the movement of people in London Waterloo, stopping for a moment to look at the screens, then rushing to their trains- platform 16 tonight, 21.50 train to Reading via Richmond- the usual voice announces the stations with the tone that I know so well and I’ve imitated so many times..
and then the train goes, leaves London behind, past the stations I’ve known, past the places I’ve been, past those five years, the same old journey—
the train will arrive at 22.27, still light in the horizon. go up the bridge, see the tip of the hill and the clock of Founder’s..for the first time in five years—and really when did Café Uno become Chez Gerrard? Where have I been living? and why do I notice things, why does it matter now that I am leaving? that’s why I don’t like ‘goodbyes’; because they make you feel that the day is special, that you have the pay attention to all the details that you’ve previously ignored and you would go on ignoring if you didn’t leave, separate etc.
that’s why I don’t like goodbyes..because they demand from your memory to freeze and keep a set picture- not the movement.. but memory is alive and moves and does not want to freeze—and I will be back and don’t want melodramatic goodbyes..it’s just that the page turns.
it’s just see you later-not goodbye.. I am taking with me all that I can’t leave behind but I’ll be back soon—for the time being, though, we are moving south!
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