Saturday, December 30, 2006

Fragments, places, words





Every year
same old habit
putting the baggage of a year aside
the ritual
remembering
good
bad
moments
of the year that is about to go away

every year
same old habit
spending the last 24 hours
of the last day
of the year
playing the game
which word describes each month?
which colour?
what was the best moment of the year?

every year
same old habit
on the pages of green diaries
the review of the year
classifying it
a ‘good year’
a ‘bad year’
‘productive’
‘a year to forget’

every year
same old habit
now on the page of this blog
fragments
pictures of places
each place
a story/stories
to remember
or to forget

but again only fragments

fragments
words that were said
others that were silenced
dreams that came true
those that lasted only for a night
moments of joy
of frustration
loneliness
at a loss
for words, for things, for eyes
brief unexpected encounters
surprises
stories to put myself to sleep
fragments
of myself
a year before
a year after
a year in review
not as easy anymore

pigments of colour on white canvas
and blank spots
and roads that I walked
and roads that I missed
and those that wait for me
in the New Year
and places that I dreamt of
those that I’ve been
and those that I will not return
and people
and moments

all fragments
my fragments
my 2006.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

What makes one a grown-up?

A blurred image.
I have spent years wondering
'how and when am I going to grow up?'
A blurred image.
Of my first Christmas tree,
away from what I used to call home.
Now here is what I call home.
And this is the first time I will spend Christmas
at this home.
Is this the end or a new beginning?
Have I grown up after all?
A song
A tear of joy
A smile in spite of pain
A blurred image
of gold, silver and red Christmas lights.
This is adulthood for me tonight.
Merry Christmas to all of you.

Monday, December 18, 2006

The fate of the romantics



-all romantics meet the same fate someday
cynical and drunk and boring someone in some dark café
You laugh.
You think you're immune, go look at your eyes, they're full of moon
You like roses and kisses and pretty men to tell you
all those pretty lies
When you gonna realize they're only pretty lies
just pretty lies?
-you haven't really changed
it's just that now you're romanticizing some pain that's in your head
you got tombs in your eyes, but the songs you punched are dreaming
listen, they sing of love so sweet
when you gonna get yourself back on your feet?
love can be so sweet.


(painting by Magritte
words by Joni Mitchell)

Friday, December 15, 2006

What keeps me company

Alone..after such long time.
Stuck in front of a computer..working constantly.
Memories of the summer return.
Days without meeting anyone.
Strange, stong feeling.
Silence.
And the sounds of the songs that keep me company.
Like this one:

I lost myself on a cool damp night
I gave myself in that misty light
Was hypnotised by a strange delight
Under a lilac tree
I made wine from the lilac tree
Put my heart in its recipe
It makes me see what I want to see
And be what I want to be
When I think more than I want to think
Do things I never should do
I drink much more that I ought to drink
Because it brings me back you
Lilac wine is sweet and heady,
Like my love
Lilac wine, I feel unsteady,
Like my love
Listen to me, I cannot see clearly
Isnt that she, coming to me
Nearly here
Lilac wine is sweet and heady,
Where's my love?
Lilac wine,
I feel unsteady,
Where's my love?
Listen to me,
why is everything so hazy?
Isn't that she, or am I just going crazy, dear
Lilac wine, I feel unready for my love
Feel unready, for my love.

This is what keeps me company tonight. And the memory of dear friends- like you with whom I first heard this song in a cool, damp night last year and then you got me Jeff Buckley's Grace as a birthday present.
Now that you're so far away and we cannot drink wine together, at least I have the song to keep me company and remind me of you..

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Memoirs of a Week II: The Playmobil City

Living with a six-year old boy for six days
with no adults
no internet
no blog
can it be that I ended up hallucinating or
is it really that I saw playmobils walking
drinking coffee
eating du canard in restaurants?
Find out for yourself:
visit Nantes in Loire Antlantique
and perhaps you will see
playmobils waiting for the green traffic light..
Otherwise, this is my private hallucination
thanks to my lovely nephew.

Advice of the day: if you feel that your life is not that good and you get disappointed or miserable at times, spend some time with a child..this will definitely make you change your mind and see things in a brighter way. Even playmobils can walk in the streets then..and you will sleep as a child..sweet dreams μωρό μου.

Monday, December 11, 2006

Memoirs of a Week I: Brief Encounters

Paris, Charles de Gaulle Airport. Saturday afternoon, second day of December. Sitting on a red couch, drinking gin and tonic, waiting for the flight after the one I missed, the flight after, I am watching people coming and going.
A sound like the music that used to play when I was a baby, sleeping in my cradle. Departures, arrivals, the sound of baggage, bags, trolleys rolling..
Watching the crowd, looking at the bar in front of me: a woman in her early forties, beautiful eyes and make-up that reminds me of an aunt that used to visit us every December before Christmas, is talking with a man. They are strangers, I think. After all, she was sitting already atthe bar when he came, asked for a lighter and ever since then they started talking.
Twenty minutes are past, they are chatting as if they’ve known each other for ages. I go on observing them: she is smiling while he is trying to hold her hand-could they’ve known each other or is it a brief unexpected encounter in an airport, where strangers can become friends in a very short time because they need company? Sound of departures and arrivals, I am looking for the sign of brief unexpected encounters.
A man is staring at me for some time now- or is he staring at me? or is he wondering what I am writing? You see, the problem with writing is that it is active and attracts attention, especially in places like this bar in a big airport in the centre of Europe, where everyone is either reading or chatting with a stranger, or at least staring at other people doing different things. The sound again.. I am staring at the man too- he starts writing.
I am stopping for a moment, ordering coffee, lighting a cigarette, looking around, waiters are serving people, smiling, with some of them they are rather friendly. The woman and the man go on talking, they are laughing loudly now. Last sip of gin, first sip of espresso, a sweet nostalgia for an unexpected, brief encounter, somewhere in the past or the future. I pick up the pen again and get ready to go on writing:
‘Strangers at airports can’/but.. hold on a minute.
The man and the woman are getting ready to go, he is helping her put on her coat- perhaps they knew each other after all? They are walking to the exit together and, then, he is helping her with the suitcase, she is kissing him. No.. this was not an unexpected ‘airport’ encounter, I was wrong. That was a moment of life that I only happened to witness in an airport. So much about unexpected circumstances and brief encounters…
Final sip of the espresso, the sound of departures reminds me that I should get ready, no more writing. I am walking to the exit, I am looking at the man (he stopped writing when he saw me leaving), he is vaguely smiling at me, I am smiling back and start walking fast- I am almost running away.
‘I have to catch the flight after/after the one I missed’, she said.